


Turk Barrett and Vigilantes

by MintyBoi



Series: Dealing with Vigilantes [2]
Category: Daredevil (TV), Deadpool - All Media Types, Jessica Jones (TV), Luke Cage (TV)
Genre: Bongs, But he's also too nosy for that, Crack, Daredevil is a sheepdog, Implied/Referenced Drug Use, Learning to be a "reformed" man, Past criminal behavior, Plot What Plot, Recreational Drug Use, Turk Barrett wants to be left alone, Turk is interested in vigilantes, Turk is the anti-Claire and I will stand by that, Turk wants to know why everywhere he goes there are vigilantes, Vigilantism, ish
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-12-30
Updated: 2020-12-29
Packaged: 2021-03-10 17:14:01
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 4
Words: 6,993
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28420749
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/MintyBoi/pseuds/MintyBoi
Summary: Turk had decided he had enough of vigilantes, he kept trying to get away from them but they kept popping up. So he set up a completely legal shop because then he can't be touched, or so he thought.Now he has time to think and finds himself still surrounded by vigilantes and a lot of questions.This is an excuse to write Turk Barrett trying to figure out why he somehow is a vigilante magnet. Also cause I think it's funny that Turk gets screwed over by so many vigilantes and runs into so many. He is like the anti-Claire in some ways.
Series: Dealing with Vigilantes [2]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/2081571
Comments: 4
Kudos: 7





	1. Meet Turk

**Author's Note:**

> This is just a quick understanding of who Turk is cause when I first showed this to someone they did not remember who Turk was. 
> 
> So this is (mostly canon) him in the MCU with a dab of earth 616, but not completely.

Turk was not an overly paranoid man.

It’s just Turk had been working crime his whole life. Born and raised practically in it. By high school he was already running for Roscoe Sweeney by being a delivery boy. 

Well he didn’t actually finish high school. 

Turk always followed whoever held the most power and became whatever they needed him to be. 

It made sure he always stayed afloat and he never brought anyone with him. No one that could be held against him. 

He had told the woman who claimed she was pregnant with his child that she should forget his name and never contact him again. He saw her again once with a little five year old, he had left the shop quickly. 

Turk Barrett wasn’t an overly paranoid man. That is what he claimed at least. However anyone had to have a certain level of paranoia if everywhere you went started turning into a shit show and then got a vigilante. It had started in Hell’s Kitchen when he was working with the Russians at the time and then Fisk, he had gotten his shit beat out of him by the Devil multiple times. Then Fisk went under and Turk went back to prison. 

Fuck the Devil. 

When he got out of prison he tried reasoning with the Devil if and when they met. At this point when the Devil showed up he would do this head cock at him and grin. It reminded Turk of a strange house pet like a cat or dog. The Devil sometimes looked almost happy to see him, but also seemed to see him like prey. Then Turk hated it so he got the hell out of the Kitchen. 

The Devil didn’t follow. 

He was in Harlem now and spent most of his time in Pop’s Barber shop. It was known as Switzerland so he knew no one was going to mess with him and if he paid attention he got pretty decent info that he could sell. Everything was good. 

About three or four months after he has settled in Harlem a new guy starts working at Pop’s, something about him tells Turk danger. Turk tucks that knowledge away for a rainy day. Then as time goes on and Turk gets used to him so he forgets about that little piece of his mind that screams danger. Next thing he knows it all goes to shit. He leaks some info about a one of the guys that stole from Cottonmouth and next thing he knows he isn’t getting paid and his life is getting threatened. Which fucking sucks cause even the Russians in all their dumbassery always paid. Turns out that dude at the barber shop is the new vigilante, he was already getting the hell out of there because of Cottonmouth but after Luke fucking cage traps him in a slightly crushed dumpster he pretty much promises he’s not trying to deal with Harlem again.

He makes his way home to the Kitchen. Just to find out that they got two more fucking vigilantes: an ex-military who operates as if your dirty your dead and a P.I. who got away with murder on it being in self-defense (Turk had had a run in with her once where she stole his wallet and gave it as child support). Also it turns out the Devil is some sort of hellhound cause he tracks him down when he and a bunch of other’s that the Devil has condemned or saved are taken by fucking ninjas. Turk even had to turn on his ankle tracker for that. The Devil grins at his success and Turk swears that if the vigilante had a tail it would be wagging. It’s like the Devil missed him or some shit, Turk doesn’t like the fact that he is that well known by vigilantes it’s bad for business. At least the lady tells the Devil how Turk helped so the Devil isn’t as much of a dick about trying to turn him in.

The vigilante rep can’t be too bad cause Diamondback calls him up, so even though he said he wasn’t going to deal with Harlem, he goes back. Turns out he should have stuck to his guns literally cause all he learns is that Diamondback is pissed, Zip is an idiot, Shades is a dead man and he really doesn’t want to get involved. 

So Turk lays low and tries Chinatown. It fucking works for the most part. The problem is that there is another bloody vigilante there but he seems to be fighting his own thing and Turk doesn’t want to ever get involved with ninja b.s. after all the shit he saw with the Devil on his heels. 

Then everything goes quiet and Turk really freaks cause as good as that is for business hearing that Luke is in jail, the Devil is AWOL and the rest of them just don’t fuck around as much Turk wonders what happened. He goes back to Hell’s Kitchen and purposely dicks around just to see. Nothing. It’s eerie and Turk honestly feels like something is happening and everyone’s holding their breath. He takes advantage and starts to build back up, gathering intel and information just like always. He feels old saying that he’s not with the times. Maybe it’s time to settle. 

Then Luke Cage gets out of jail, it’s strike one. He hunts down Turk first thing and gets the info he needs. Turk wonders if vigilantes would ever pay for it like everyone else. He also realizes the information that is needed are fresh and strange crimes. 

Then New York has an earthquake and all those vigilantes team up, that’s strike two. Turk can feel it in his bones that maybe he shouldn’t keep doing all this shit.

The Punisher is his third strike. All the shit with the vigilantes means that he’s still too hot for people to want to touch. Which means that while it’s already hard to sell his contraband now no one really wants it. So when the Punisher comes in, Turk almost completely gives up. Just his luck that this dude decides not to execute him after Turk asks about God. Turk wonders if it has anything to do with the Devil.

Three strikes and you're out. He pawned off the last of his supplies to a bunch of people. Got a lawyer out of it and wasn’t complaining. Then he used that money and opened a nice completely legal business. 

Well he was selling bongs, but he wasn’t dealing the weed. 

He did it outside of Hell’s Kitchen cause if he was going to do anything even slightly taboo he wouldn’t be doing it in the Devil’s playground, though rumor had it the Devil was dead. 

He meets the vigilante that had been running around Chinatown in his Harlem shop with Luke almost-bane-of-his-existence Cage. The Chinatown white boy is nice and reminds Turk of a puppy. Luke Cage is a fucking cat though causually breaking merchandise without a care in the world. Turk hisses out the information Cage wants and hears some weird ninja b.s. from the white boy. He gets the money for the broken bong with a note from Fish, turns out that Fish is doing Luke Cage’s financial work. 

Turk gets a call asking if he still has any inventory and Turk can’t help but dip his toes back in and pick up some guns for the rich assholes who are asking. 

Turns out he is now the “it” person for vigilantes to bring their criminal queries to. Sadly only the Devil is confined to a specific area, the rest are willing to trek up to Harlem and his shop if they need info. So that’s how he meets the fucking Punisher again. He doesn’t like him anymore then the first meeting. Especially because the Punisher drags him along for the ride right back to the Russians. Well full fucking circle. 

After that nightmare he almost falls back into selling guns completely, it would be so easy to go back to past ways. The Devil is dead right? 

Nope, it’s the Devil.

He’s killing now. 

Oh hell nah. 

He’s keeping his nose clean and staying away from the Kitchen. 

If the Devil has finally snapped he doesn’t need to be on that list. 

In the end it turns out that guy wasn’t the Devil, just a copycat but it was scary enough to remind Turk why he was going to try and stay completely legal. 

He takes every day at a time now and thinks a lot. He is still paranoid but he thinks he has the right. Turk wasn’t an overly paranoid man. That is what he claimed. But when you go into "Sister Margaret's Home for Wayward Girls” to meet an old friend and Deadpool tells you that the Devil misses you and that the Devil promises immunity as long as Turk’s business stays legitimate would make anyone on edge. 

He’s not overly paranoid but when a kid drops from the fucking ceiling of his shop in full masked suit saying it’s an honor to meet him and if Turk knows anything about the current gang in Queens he has the right to itch for a gun that his parole won’t let him have. Or when that kid comes back and tries to buy a bong, Turk feels really happy that the Devil doesn’t leave Hell. He finds out that the kid’s name is Spider-man later.

Turk isn’t an overly paranoid man, he’s just the right amount. 


	2. Drawn back in

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So pretend this is like 2ish years after whatever you want in the MCU. Great cool, canon no longer exists unless I want it. Thanks.

Turk Barrett was perfectly content in his completely legitimate store that sold bongs but no weed and didn’t violate his parole in any way. He set up shop at least a 2 and a half years ago now and he had noticed though that vigilantes had finally stopped coming to him, though if he ever was in Hell’s Kitchen at night the Devil would appear just seeming to watch him as a cat might before disappearing. He had heard from numerous places that the Devil actually liked him in the same way that the Devil liked to “play” with anyone dangerous. He was told that he was on a list with Deadpool, Punisher, and some chick named Elektra. He didn’t know how to answer that. 

Jones came through every once and a while just to ask if Turk had seen a certain face and to play a strange form of check up. He didn’t mind her anymore because she didn’t give a shit. It turned out that she didn’t remember stealing his wallet, she did that quite a bit. 

But today the little white boy that he had seen with Luke before ran into his shop slammed both his hands on the counter and said, “How much for you to hide me in the back and not give up my location?” 

“Fuck no man,” Turk started. He did not need to do this shit again. Last time the Punisher dragged him into the Russians and he almost died. 

The white boy held up a hand holding a black card, “How much, I promise you any damage to your shop will be paid for and they can’t physically harm you in any way; it's the rules.”

Turk knew fuck all what that meant but he also knew that cards like the one this guy was holding were not to be ignored. 

“Fine I’m charging you 1,000 outright and 200 for every lie I have to tell. Also an additional 300 for every hour.” 

“Deal, where’s your back room. Send the bill to this address,” He gave him a slip of paper. What the fuck this dude was not gonna negoitate? Turk got a bad feeling. 

Turk showed the dude where he could hide in the stock room. Then he went back to the counter and continued selling. About five hours later the Devil came in in all his glory and Turk almost threw the bong he was wrapping at the guy’s head. 

“I know you're here cult-boy!” The Devil called. Turk wondered what this dude had done to get the Devil to leave the Kitchen. He also was slightly alarmed that he might be involved with cult shit again. “Come on out I just got off not even 20 minutes ago and you were the second easiest to find. Everyone knows I keep tabs on  Turk.” 

“No one’s here man,” Turk tries but he wished the man had warned him about who was tracking him. His customer seems absolutely amazed and has taken out his phone to record discreetly. 

“I can smell him, hear him and taste him. Also I can tell your lying Turk. I thought you would know better than to lie to me,” The Devil’s voice sounds downright giddy and it sends shivers down his spine. He has never heard him sound happy, it sounds wrong. The Devil doesn’t even ask where he is, just walks straight to the store room and opens the door. Then without warning pounces on the man and holds him up against the door. “Hellooo! You are second to last. Do you want to go to the recon spot or join me?”

“Join you,” The dude says quickly, “Who’d you catch first.”

“Clint cause he had a meeting with his lawyers and I’m still pissed at him.” Turk feels for whoever this ‘Clint’ might be

“Who are you going after next?” The dude doesn’t sound scared. He sounds excited. Turk wonders what the fuck is going on. Before he can ask the Devil is already sprinting away out the door the dude hot on his heels. “Thanks Turk for the spot!” 

Turk wonders what the fuck he just witnessed. If he wasn’t mistaken it seemed like hide ‘n go seek. He needed a drink and a friendly face so he closed his shop after finishing the current client’s purchase and went to find Fish. 

Turned out that Pop’s Barber Shop had just been raided by the Devil and the guy that Fish filled in was called “Ironfist” to no avail though the Devil had picked up a trail he could follow. When Turk asked, Fish raised his hands in defeat, “Each of them get one day where it’s like a city wide game that only they know. Claire invites me to get drinks with who she calls the “handlers” but I pass every time. I don’t need to get more wound up in whatever nonsense this all is.” 

Turk laughed at that, “What are they kids?”

“Yeah,” Fish’s face goes grim, “From what I understand a good portion of them didn’t have a good childhood or life so they get this one day to just have a good day.” 

Turk kind of gets that but also that was just life right?

“The Devil’s been keeping tabs on me.”

“He keeps tabs on everyone. It’s the way he shows affection.” Turk makes a face at that, he doesn’t like the idea of the Devil liking him. Fish must see it and laughs, “Imagine a sheep dog, it protects the sheep in it’s herd. It guides them and it sets the sheep that aren’t behaving on the right path again. Daredevil is like a sheep dog for Hell’s Kitchen. So you were once in the Kitchen so now in his mind you're one of his flock.” 

“So what is Fisk in his flock too?”

“I mean the man keeps tabs on Fisk but I think he views Fisk more like a wolf trying to take his role as sheep dog. He sees a threat to the herd.” 

They drink and play chess and don’t talk about the vigilantes. Eventually Turk decides to head back towards his apartment when he is grabbed by none other then the fucking Winter Solider, Turk doesn’t want to deal with whatever warcrimes this man is known for. So Turk does the one thing he promised to never do, he fucking screams for the Devil. It’s an old joke from when he used to work with the Russians and Fisk but now he’s fucking doing it. The Winter Soldier covers his mouth with a gloved hand.

“Shhh!” He hisses, “I’m trying to not get caught by Red but my last three places were compromised but Glowboy was with you earlier so I figured he wouldn’t recheck spots. Can I hide out in your shop?”

Turk understands immediately that somehow this terrorist is playing with all the other vigilantes. Maybe he should write all this stuff down, probably make millions off it. He nods into the glove. He’s let go but hauled along.

“Why didn’t you just break in?” Turk asks as he unlocks the door.

“Cause the sound of shattering glass would alert everyone in a 20 block radius. Also I need something that doesn’t look suspicious.”

Turk points him to the back room just as someone steps out from behind one of the shelves. That grin is burned into his nightmares he thinks. 

“Bucky Bucky,” The Devil tuts like a disappointed mother, “You should have just let Turk go after he screamed. I focused in and heard it all.”

“Still have to catch me asshole!” The Winter Soldier- Bucky? yells before bolting. Turk barely notices as the Devil barrels past him his grin still feral and sharp. 

He stops by Pop’s the next day to find Luke Cage drinking a redbull while Fish lectures him about something or other. They stop talking as Turk enters.

“Can I ask who won?” Turk asks.

Luke looks like he sucked on a lemon before responding tersely, “Jessica Jones and you want to know why? She bribed him last week to not bother her till it was over. So he lied to everyone saying that she wasn’t in her apartment and just let us look elsewhere then picked her up after everyone else was found.” 

“The Devil can be bribed?” Turk asked.

“He only takes bribes from vigilantes and handlers, so don’t test your luck,” Luke huffed, “And he doesn’t even always take it anyway.”

“What’d she have?” Turk really wishes he wasn’t so interested.

“A bottle of a specific type of Scotch that he isn’t allowed to have normally.”

Turk wanted to press farther but Luke had thrown his hands in the air and left. Turk wondered if the Devil was an alcoholic or why he wasn’t allowed liquor. He couldn’t be under 21 right? 

“Devil is an adult right?”

“Sure,” Fish said as he set up the chessboard, “Are you staying for a game or opening up your shop.”

“I can stay for a game.”


	3. Tickled Curiosity

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Foggy is 100 percent a pot head and that is partly how he deals with Matt and no one can convince me otherwise.

Maybe it was the fact that he wasn’t doing anything illegal that made him feel more confident to look into the vigilantes. Turns out he was not the first person to try and gather information about them. But most people who were trading info were trying to figure out powers or identities. They could not answer about the strange child behavior Turk saw. Fish wouldn’t say much just saying that he didn’t want to cross any boundaries. Turk wanted to figure out exactly who a “handler” was as well. Was there a higher power that the vigilantes answered too? Were they a government conspiracy. Running a legal business gave him more time than he thought to theorize and wonder. 

So he begrudgingly got an app similar to the “Harlem’s Hero” App except it was for all vigilante and hero sightings. He deleted after a day because anyone claiming to see Daredevil during the day couldn’t be trusted. Though he does learn that the Devil seems to have an apprentice, this scares him. He does not want two Devils. 

He got a cash in the mail for $2,700 from an anonymous person that just says, “Thanks for the spot!” 

Turk hides it away for a rainy day. No reason to be taxed on some side work. 

Then one day a man who looks all parts stoner except his voice comes walking into the shop he’s speaking harshly to the person on the other end of the phone, “Claire said you are on bedrest for three days. We listen to Claire remember? This is your own fault and I will not have you in a courthouse and start bleeding. Then you will go to a fucking hospital.” The man was admiring a pretty purple and red swirled bong. “Don’t use that tone with me idiot. I will get the fucking spray bottle or Karen.” The man seemed to be listening and sighed. He had now picked up the bong and made his way to the counter. “Listen buddy I’ll be back in a few hours and don’t worry about tomorrow. Mhmmm. Love ya too asshole.” The man hung up and smiled at Turk as he put the bong on the counter and handed over the cash, “Quite a nice business you’ve set up for yourself now. Much better than the guns.”

Turk froze as he was wrapping up the glass object, “Sorry do I know you?”

“Not at all!” The man answered cheerfully, “Name’s Franklin Nelson and if you're ever having legal trouble feel free to contact.”

The man took his bag and left, Turk realized after he hadn’t left a calling card. He needed to talk to Fish again.

“Nelson?” Fish asked, taking a sip from his beer, “Nice man, him and his partner do mostly pro-bono work though they could be top line rich lawyers.” 

“How’d he know I was doing guns? Why’d he feel safe to just say that?”

“That firm helps represent anyone involved with vigilantes and the vigilantes themselves. He repped Luke Cage, his partner did Jessica Jones, they both worked the Punisher case, and they have extensive connections to Daredevil because they are the ones that took down Fisk. That’s just what is public information though, they also do legal work for other vigilantes as well. They are pretty much protected.” 

“So I should stay the fuck away.”

“I have it on good authority that the Devil really wants to see you again but has problems asking for what he wants.”

Turk shook his head, “Fuck no.”

“You sure? You seem pretty interested about the vigilantes recently.” 

Turk just moved his rook to take one of Fish’s pawns. 

Turk didn’t sell to anyone under 18, it was a rule he made for himself because he got parents accusing him of corrupting their children and giving them weed and he didn’t need that publicity. Especially because he didn’t sell anything that wasn’t legal, right now.

So when a group of teenagers and college students came wandering in he got ready to kick them right back out cause he didn’t know if these kids were having the older kids buy for them and he didn’t need annoyed parents. The youngest was probably a freshman and the oldest might have been legally allowed to drink. 

“Okay,” One of the boys said as if giving a tour, “This is Turk Barrett.”

Turk stopped, how the ever loving fuck did these people know him. None of them looked like they lived in Harlem except maybe the youngest boy and the lead kid even had a Queen’s accent. 

“I don’t sell to minors so scram.”

“Turk runs a legitimate business now and everyone is very proud. But that means you can’t get information.”

What the actual fuck, he wanted to know who the fuck all these people were.

“Who the fuck are you?”

“Now that you all know so we can leave and I can continue my story.”

There were muttered agreements and they all filed back out. Turk needed another drink with Fish, he didn’t like his name getting known.

“Your name is going to be known, just deal. Between your public record and your dealing time you got around.”

“But why are kids walking into my shop to show me to other kids and saying they are proud?”

“Wait how many kids?”

Turk thought for a moment.

“About Eight?”

“How many female, how many male?”

“Uh,” Turk thought, “Three girls and five males, I think?”

“Don’t worry about them.”

“Who are they?”

“Just don’t worry about them. Though if you want I can report them because they are supposed to leave you alone.”

Turk didn’t like that. Why was anyone interested in him?

“You're one of the Devil’s flock, most people don’t know. But in certain circles.”

Fuck. These were baby vigilantes.

Turk liked this even less now. 

“Here if you're ever having problems with them call one of these numbers,” Fish said, handing him a set of phone numbers. “Just say it’s Turk and that the babies are harassing you. Someone will take care of it.” 

“Do I get names?”

“Nope I know nothing, I don’t know names and I don’t want to know.”

Three days later Fish stops by to tell him it’s been handled. 

A day after that a card is stuck to his door with a little bit of Spider-man’s webbing. It’s a hallmark apology card with no writing inside.

Jessica Jones wasn’t a frequent visitor but she wasn’t not frequent. She never bought, just bartered for information or really asked him for info and he gave it and she told him if he ever needed help tracking someone she owed him one. Turk was willing to have Jessica Jones owe him. But today he had questions for her too.

“Listen I know you don’t sell weed but how much do you know about where to get it?” Jessica asked.

“I mean depends on how you're asking, I don’t know many dealers anymore.”

“Damn. Well do you know where someone might purchase a custom ceramic bong?”

“Can I see it?”

She put a pink bong on the table, the words “I love you Baby! ~ Z” were also fired into it. Turk whistled through his teeth, “This looks like something from a Chinatown shop. Think it’s down on Hogan.” 

“Thank you,” Jessica sighed, “Thank you so fucking much Turk. This is the third case this week that has these in their house. I really owe you this time, for like the 25th time.” 

It was actually 27 but he wasn’t going to argue that right now. Instead he decided to cash in a bit.

“Could you answer some of my questions?”

Jessica side eyed him, “Depends on the question. I have lawyers that sensor some of what I say now.”

Turk holds up his hands, “Just curiosity.”

“Okay three questions, I only have an hour before my ride doesn’t owe me anymore.” 

“Why the fuck does the Devil keep tabs on me?”

“Because he’s a nostalgic asshole and you're one of the first people he ever took down. Also cause you kept getting back up and he’s like a kitten if you want him to leave you alone you play dead.”

“Is the Devil a child?”

“Not legally.”

“What the fuck is a handler?”

“Are all your questions about vigilantes? Guess Luke and Fish weren’t exaggerating that you are currently interested. A handler is someone who knows a vigilante’s identity and helps take care of them. For some of them they are also their only source of impulse control. Okay sweet that was easy see ya Turk. Now I only owe you 24!”

He watched as she walked back out of his shop and got into the front seat of the taxi waiting before driving off.

The last person probably wouldn’t have ticked on his strange sense if he didn’t remember the lawyer so vividly. The man was blind as could be seen from the cane and red sunglasses. His hair had a slightly red tint to it and there was something familiar about his face that Turk couldn’t place. 

“Hello?” The man asked as he entered.

“Can I help you?” Turk asked.

“I accidentally broke my partner’s bong and he’s pissed at me. He said he bought it here. Said it was purple and red and swirly. Told me to try and get the same one,” The man sounds extremely apologetic, “He’s an asshole and told me to figure it out. Could you help?”

Turk remembers the lawyer that worked for the vigilantes buying that bong. Luckily he does have similar ones.

“Um yeah sure,” Turk mutters, “Here I’ll grab it for you if you just go to the counter straight ahead.”

“Thank you,” The man’s smile is soft but Turk feels unsettled by it like something is wrong. Turk grabs the bong and tells him the amount. He pays with a card, which Turk guesses makes sense; it's harder to scam a blind dude with a card than a blind dude with cash. “Have a good day Turk.”

Turk gut twists as he watches the man leave. He doesn’t like the fact that the blind dude knew his name though he guesses it makes sense. 

When he asks Fish all he gets is, “He’s the other lawyer or course he knows your name.”

“But how’d he know it was me? What if I had an employee?”

“You don’t have employees.”

“Yeah but he doesn’t know that.”

“Then he probably took a risk.”

Turk couldn’t dismiss the chills that something was off about the man though. 


	4. Curiosity Killed the Cat

Turk didn’t want to admit it but being known as being part of the Devil’s flock actually made it so when he went into shady areas easier. Some people side eyed him but everyone knew he wasn’t a snitch but he wasn’t on their side either. It was like being a dirty cop almost, everyone both wanted to see him and not touch him with a ten foot pole. All he wanted was information and everyone knew about the “merc with a mouth.” 

Weasel was behind the bar as per usual and upon seeing Turk gave him a small smile, “Hope you're not planning to ask for something illegal.”

“Nah man just fishing for info, need Deadpool though.”

“If you want information from him come back with a Hello Kitty burner phone. Pretty sure someone destroyed his last one two days ago.”

Turk found out that Hello Kitty burner phones could not be bought at normal stores and Amazon was a shit show of fake kid phones. Eventually he found some and bought ten. This wasn’t illegal activity right? Bribing a merc for information about a Devil for his own gain, that wasn’t illegal because he wasn’t doing anything with the information per se. He hoped the Devil didn’t find out.

Turns out Deadpool had no qualms and assured Turk that this was not technically illegal and if everything went south that he would hook him up with the good lawyers that handled all the vigilantes. That made Turk think about the two men who had bought the bongs and he didn’t know if that reassured him or made him more worried. Either way he wanted answers so he agreed.

Deadpool’s rate was an hour of private time per phone. Turk handed him one. 

“Alright Turkey boy, ask away. Please note that talking about children and identities is strictly off limits for the protection of our babies.”

“I just want to know how many kids I have to watch out for.”

“Hmmmm… nope.”

“Come on dude I can’t have minors wandering into my shop again.”

“They came into your shop.”

“Yeah.”

“In costume or civilian clothes?”

“Civilian.”

“Those dumb-asses! This is going to be fun to watch. They all are given places they aren’t allowed to go, it’s even printed on the fridges!”

Turk wondered if vigilantes lived in some sort of commune like he had heard Magento had started. “Yeah that’s why I want to know how many there are.”

Deadpool nodded along seeming to deem this appropriate, “I’ll be honest I’m not really allowed to know because I’m deemed a bad influence. Though I should say that I stopped one of them from leading a life of terrifying crime so I don’t see how I could possibly be a bad influence. And it isn’t like I’m the only one that police really want in custody.”

Turk took this in and realized he learned about jack shit. He tried asking a different question, “I’ve been told I’m part of the Devil’s flock what does that mean?”

“It means he’s still sometimes salty at the Punisher for putting you in harm's way that time. I don’t really know man the Devil likes to collect people like hoard people. It’s really endearing if you are accepted but then if you try to ever leave the puppy dog eyes on that bastard should be considered a weapon it of itself. It’s also partly because he knows that you have Hell’s Kitchen in your blood which in his mind makes you an extension of his Hell’s Kitchen territory especially after you stopped doing as much crime and he no longer had to fight you. He’s kinda bummed kinda proud about that actually. He likes fighting people; it helps with the repressed emotions and childhood trauma.”

Turk decided he did not want to touch vigilante trauma with a ten foot pole to be honest and pushed on, “How did the Devil know I had Hell’s Kitchen in my blood?”

“Oh he remembers when he was a little kid and you worked for Roscoe, apparently you ran into his flock at that time then.”

Wait did he know the Devil as a child? 

Holy fuck did he know the Devil as a baby? 

Did he hurt the Devil’s family? 

He needed to change the subject before Deadpool noticed his silence.

“Alright I know Jessica has an actual job cause she uses me for it and Luke bounces between jobs a lot but like do y’all actually have jobs?”

“Yeah we all tend to do our crime fighting or in my case my jobs on our off hours as an extracurricular or hobby.”

What the actual fuck, Turk knew these people had to pay the bills somehow but thinking of any of them just going to work and being completely normal people outside. He wondered if he had ever run into any of them, surely he would have recognized the Devil’s voice that was imprinted in him. Deadpool was snapping his fingers in front of his face.

“Hey Turkey! Why is that the info that broke you?”

“Just wondering if I’ve ever met one and didn’t realize. Past the kids of course but they weren’t being discrete.”

Deadpool shrugged, “Sorry dude I’m not a psychic not in my ability listing. I know one though if you want help with your thoughts.”

“I’m good,” Turk shivered at the thought of anyone in his head, “Talking about abilities though…”

Deadpool held up a hand, “I’m sorry but there are certain people I’m not allowed to give the abilities of because of betting pools and the amount people would pay for that information. That being said my abilities are being amazing, talking and a really annoying healing factor that stops my cancer and makes me into the beauty I am.”

Turk nodded, “Is the Devil’s abilities available?”

Deadpool tapped his chin as if thinking, “Well he can tell when you're lying. So your honest-to-God confession.”

“Okay but like that guy takes a beating and then bounces back while everyone else is still in the hospital so healing factor like you?”

“Catholic guilt.”

“Not a power.”

“That’s what you think. But have you seen a guilt stubborn catholic?”

“The Devil’s catholic?”

“Maybe.”

“Are you joking about the catholic guilt?”

“I don’t know have you ever seen him in confession or down on his knees? Cause it’s hot.”

Turk did not like where this was going he did not want to talk about sex lives, he refocused. 

“What was that game you were playing a few weeks ago?”

“Which one?”

“The one where some blonde white dude dished out 2,700 to me to shelter him from the Devil for a few hours and then the Winter Soldier half kidnapped me.”

“Fisty was found in the first 15 minutes though?”

“He came a few hours before.”

“Oh tricky boy probably thought his trail would go cold by then.”

“So what was that?”

“Oh it was Red’s day of fun times.”

“What does that mean?”

Sure he had gotten these answers from Fish but he wanted them from someone in the crowd.

“It means he gets to pick the game and then play said game and everyone agrees because it is his day.”

“Wait was that his birthday?”

“No, Red is banned from going out on his birthday. He gets black out drunk and fucks some people.”

“Then what day is it?”

“It’s his disaster day. Turning point. Life-ruining moment. Depends on who you're asking.” 

“So it’s just some important day in his life?”

“Yep.”

“Do all you guys have one?”

“Yep.”

“When’s yours?”

“Two weeks actually.”

“What are you doing for it?”

“Manhunt but unlike Red who just wanted good old fashion hide and seek, everyone is starting with me and I’m going to hunt them down with my second and take them out.”

“Isn’t that dangerous?”

Deadpool shrugged, “It’s my day so I get to make the rules and the game. Also it was given the go ahead by the handlers because they want most of them to take a fucking nap. It’s amazing how little sleep some of these people are running off of.”

Turk had never thought about that. If these people were trying to be a vigilante and have a full-time job. He had a new appreciation for all their work ethics. 

“Is there a way to get away from all of you?”

“No. Someone tried before and she kept running into vigilantes till she became the first official handler because she decided she wanted to make her life easier.”

“So she runs the whole operation?”

Deadpool laughs, “Oh naive boy, no one runs our operations. We run our own operations. She just makes sure we don’t die and can keep going. Also she likes to call us idiots a lot.”

Turk thought about that, “Damn cause I wanted to talk to the Devil’s handler about the whole flock thing.”

“Sorry buddy Red’s main handler isn’t going to ever make Red cut off anyone in his flock. They love him too much.”

“Why do you call the Devil Red?”

“Punisher started it cause he had no fucking clue who this idiot was that kept jumping all over him and messing up his operations like an annoying and excited puppy was. Then it just kind of stuck.”

“Does he prefer Red?”

“Red doesn’t prefer anything when it comes to names. He hated being called the devil at first but then when he asked that someone make him a protective suit so that he could be protected better they added the devil horns without him even asking. He’s since gotten attached. He’s kind of like that with people to, he hates them and tries to get them to fuck off but if you stick around long enough he ends up liking you.”

Turk made a face. He didn’t mean to stick around for the Daredevil to like him, he was just trying to work jobs.

“How did he pick up an apprentice?”

“Kid almost died near him so he decided he needed to virtually adopt him. Same way most of us pick up kids actually.”

Turk thought about this, he guessed that made sense cause it wasn’t like the average person could find one of them and ask for tutoring. He had seen people try to pester Cage or Jones about it before and get physically moved out of their way. 

“Is there any way I can get vigilantes to stop coming to my shop?”

Turk looked around his shop, Deadpool had insisted cause it would be the most private setting.

“Nope!” He really popped the ‘p’. “Either way do you know that you have a lot of enemies that are currently being kept at bay because your den of inquiry is known to be protected by the vigilantes?” 

Turk had never thought about that, he had thought it strange that no one had really tried to take him out but he had figured that was cause he always played the game and stayed more fluid alignment. 

“Also Weasel really likes Red for some weird reason and so charges way too much for a card with your name on it. Everyone has decided it isn’t worth the price.” 

He had people who wanted him dead but then decided he wasn’t worth the money or the trouble getting involved with his what? Protectors? Guard dogs? Maybe ignorance was bliss.

“Okay I think we are done for the night,” He managed to get out, “Thank you for your time.”

“No thank you for the phone! Seriously Red chucked my last one at some pedo and the police wouldn’t give it back because it was then evidence. Then some asshole in the police department decided they would try to use it to track down my contacts and that didn’t go well so Punisher straight up threatened the dude at gunpoint after getting a call and smashed the phone to bits and deleted all his info that pertained to us.”

“How many of you are there?”

“No clue cause there are some weird people from Jersey or something that live in the subways and sewers and we don’t deal with them because they are fucking weird and only Spidey actually goes into the sewer on a regular basis. Plus sometimes people pop up and then you find out they are only passing through or that they are a fucking fraud and get scared when one of us pops in to say hi.”

Turk didn’t like that answer either. He was happy that Deadpool was leaving now. 


End file.
